Why would you move to a new country, leaving everything behind, everything you worked for, everything you achieved, your roots, your soul and big chunk of your life?
Well, people immigrate for many reasons, obviously thinking the grass is greener on the other side but is it really?
I guess it would be depending on how you look at things, you immigrated as you are striving for a better quality of life, more freedom ( which is a myth as I will explain more as you read this article further),a bright and prosperous future for your children.
Why did I immigrate? As a person belong to a middle class, well educated person left everything behind but why?
Nobody knew the reason why, nobody cared to dig further, nobody suspected my motives.
Prepare your stones to throw , put on your masks of painted with religion, take out the penal code and wipe away the dust!
Drum rolls please, (or sticks)
I chose to immigrate because I’m gay.
Do not look so shocking, yes, I know there is a special place in hell for me but so be it. After years of hiding behind a ‘straight’ persona and not ‘coming out’, I am saying it out loud.
I am gay.
Now, do not go to my bedroom from your mind and have all these wild fantasies about lesbian sex.
Just be rational.
I know you cannot be so, no I’m not judging you but stating a fact that you carry the ghosts of our ancestors, who are whispering to your ear right now, stop reading this, this is wrong, this is a sin.
I know.
Let me tell you one thing, I did not chose to be gay. I did not wake up one day and decided ‘ I should be gay for the days. It does not work like that. I do not want to be with a man but a woman.
It is not a choice but it’s who I am.
I used to worry about what others think but no more. I used to hide myself, my true feelings but no more.
What about people around me?
I come from a family that loves me dearly but it took me years to accept the truth to myself and then saying it out loud, first to my mother. She cried and cried, thinking of the husband I will never have and worrying about my unborn children, her first grand babies.
My mother still secretly believes I will be not gay at some point and this is all a phrase.
It took me more courage to speak my truth to my father, who told me he never wants to talk about this again, he was devastated, hopeless and frustrated, thinking of how to ever utter about this to anybody.
I think In his eyes, I became hero to zero.
So be it.
You would think, the country I live in, is accepting and celebrating diversity of every kind. Theoretically yes but do not forget that any country is made from people, especially from everywhere.
When I went back to university, switching my legal field to social work, I met people from different cultures and ethnicities and boy! It was tough.
It was living like in Sri Lanka again, with their judgmental stares and avoiding me like the plague after I came out. I purposefully did not go anywhere near Sri Lankan community, thinking of I’ll treatment and gossips but I had it all.
According to their eyes, I was a sinner.
When I told them about my partner, things become worse. For them it was against their faith. I was obviously not with a man, so they banned me, without expressly stating anything.
It was cruel.
I am living in Calgary, Canada from July, 2016 to date. I do not have many friends but I have few good ones who do not care a damn about whom I love.
So in my life, less is more…
#grassisgreener #comingout #yyccalgary #life
