The Climb…

Climbing tall mountains, with sorrows intact

Life is a struggle, of course, it’s a fact

Writing the future, one page at a time

Let’s forgive those who broke me, even though it’s a crime?

~ Dee~

April 9, 2021

#destiny #future #thoughts

Sometimes tears fall,because they are heavy…

Left my homeland, everything green and blue

Running in this labyrinth, my heart is simply blue

Today is better than yesterday, for once that is true

Where is that heart who understood me without clue?

Crying is not a joy, it just bring gloom

It clears the mind and reminds me it’s not my doom

It’s not just waterworks, it’s how your spirit talks

May be tears are just falling, simply because it’s heavy?

~Dee~

April 1,2021

#tears

Worrier…

I’m sure my future is going to be awesome, however sometimes I have drawbacks and doubts. I worry about money, I worry about my parents, I worry about driving because I’m yet to have my driver’s license and I do worry about many more things.

I wish I could calm down!

~ Dee~

March 22,2021

#worrier #life #calmdown

First day of Spring…

Rolling in the grass with my puppy and the love of my life, I am thankful for my life. Under the blue skies, getting my hands dirty by creating my first garden, these are huge things for me.

Four springs ago, I was alone and was in a mess.

It’s great not to be alone!

~ Dee~

March 20,2021

#firstdayofspring #westiesoftheweb #yyc #lifeisgood

Mission in life…

You would always remember feelings.

I remember that moment I left my country, to immigrate to Canada, I felt a lump on my throat. I remember calling my (then) girlfriend while waiting to be onboard, then I remember texting her while I was on the plane. The plane started to move, then it started ascending and I remember texting her but it was not delivered.

The next time, I went back home, we were not together.

Moving to a new country, living, studying there is no small feat. You realize that you are brown, something I never thought before in life. You would think all the immigrants would flock together, which would have been the smart thing but no. There is so much segregation and lack of support. It is the survival of the fittest.

However, there are people who would lookout for one another, support others, make sure others are okay. Not many but few good hearted ones.

I just want to join that club!

~ Dee~

March 5,2021

#community #canada #support

Conflicts…

Conflicts are part and parcel of life. The internal conflicts you would have with yourself, for instance should I call her/him or should I have pineapple on pizza or not, or with others.

It’s very easy to start a conflict with someone. You just have to look the (according to them) wrong way or say the wrong thing, it could spark trouble.

Kids have conflicts with their parents because of generational gap. The list is endless.

What would you do in a conflict?

I become silent, if truth be told, I will mutter something under my breath. Or I cry, I would let the other person see those tears, it might be seen as a small victory for them. If it is too tensed, I might cry in front of them because it needs to be shown that I’m hurt. There is a thin line. I write when I’m conflicted, it helps to ease the pain and internal trauma.

What would you do when you are in a conflict? What is your coping mechanism?

~ Dee~

February 20,2021

#conflicts

Fear of losing…

We almost lost our puppy today. Almost but thank God, he is a feisty little fighter. He ate a random push pin 📌.

It was mine and under my work bench. I felt guilty, responsible and wanted to run away. It was not something I intended to do but I could have stopped that.

I don’t know how I would feel if I had to go through the motions of losing him. He is just a puppy of seven weeks, a baby who needs looking after.

Now I know,to some extent how my parents must have felt about me. I was the first child and I cannot remember growing up, staying at a hospital or anything. My mother and father must have been very careful of me,

Responsibility never made me scared. I was born responsible but this shook me to my core.

Life is so fragile and it’s scary.

~ Dee~

February 18,2021

#almost #myresponsibility #fear

Go ahead and blame,again.

I do not have answers to all the questions. I’m not an expert. What am to do when I’m surrounded by experts?

I am learning and evolving but most people try to find that loophole, “you are not doing this, you have not done this, you have not tried enough, you always make me do things, you have excuses”.

I guess people can say whatever they want. They do not know what going on in your mind, your pains, your struggles. They just blame.

~ Dee~

February 18,2021

#fuckoff

Eight thousand miles and almost five years…

I came to Canada almost five years ago. Eight thousand miles, that’s how far I flew. I had plans, not many but one. To be with the love of my life.

Long distance, it makes or breaks life. It separates people. It changes people. It hurts people. It allow people to grow, and grow apart.

I was pretty sure my life was going to be with her. We could make it work, we were in love, but was it enough? I thought it was.

Days passed. Culture shock, loneliness, snow and many more things came in between. Fights were frequent. Time difference was unbearable.

If anyone would have made it work, it could have been me. I was a planner, but hey, life had other plans for me.

My naive heart died. I was devastated. I was lost, I was losing my mind.

Take it from me, long distance never works.

Coming out was a huge thing for me, especially to my parents. My aunts (unconsciously) rejected me, my mother tolerates me, my sister is ashamed of me, my father never talks about it.

It hurts. It kills me but we have a one life.

I am determined to live it, in away that makes me happy.

~ Dee~

February 16,2021

#canada #comingout #lgbtq #mystory #mylife #randomthoughts

Albus Mironoff Hapzing…

Yes, that is his name.

To remember Albus Dumbledore from Harry Potter, we named our puppy with his first name, Albus but mostly we use Albie. Mironoff is Helen Mirren’s last name. (If you have never heard of her, she is a versatile British actress who played Queen Elizabeth the II in the movie “The Queen”. She was in television too, “Prime Suspect” was one such drama.)

Hapzing is a mix of both me and my partner’s surnames.

He is a west highland terrier and is almost eight weeks old.

Adventures with Albie awaits.

~ Dee~

February 14,2021

#westies #albusmironoffhapzing #ourboy